Posted by: CarolAnn | November 20, 2011

The Things You Did Not Do – 5 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

Ever heard the expression, “all that glitters isn’t gold“? It is  not always about what you can buy for an individual. It is not always about your connections and the people you know. It is not always about having the largest house, the fastest car, the best job, the finest clothes, or even the highest intelligence. In fact, it does not matter at all about the things that you have or do not have in your life, it is more so about whether or not you are willing to step up to the plate and become a vital piece of the proverbial support system of those around you.

Collectively speaking, relationship success, across the board (both personally and professionally) , depends on your willingness to go the extra distance. Relationships on the whole are dependent on making that genuine effort – they are mutually, unequivocally demanding of reciprocity. In other words, the “things you didn’t do” list is probably longer than you imagined. In most cases, you probably are not even aware of that list; but every day that you fail to acknowledge what might be missing in your relationship, the greater the distance will become between yourself and your significant other. Before you realize what has negatively impacted your relationship, you will be standing there holding the bag of “what went wrong” questions. Unfortunately, by that time, it is usually a day late and a dollar short.

Human behavior at its best

When relationships are at their strongest and in balance, you often find that both partners are effectively pulling their weight – emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and yes, even spiritually. You do not have to be a religious person to be spiritual, but there is a lot of spirituality in empathy, compassion, love, respect and humility. It comes from within the human spirit, your vital energy force, that drives you to have these humane characteristics. Without them, there would be no passion, no motivation, no inspiration to truly love another. These traits are quickly used up in the honeymoon phase. Oh, we do everything we can to appease in our relationships – from opening doors, to cleaning house. We shower each other with love trinkets, energy and most importantly, time. But as time goes on, we swiftly forget (or choose to forget) how significant another individual (or individuals) may truly be in our lives.

The “Things you did not do” List – 5 reasons why relationships fail

  1. Things left unspoken – How many times in a month have you told your significant other how much s/he means to you? Write it down.  How many times in a day have you whispered, “I love you”? (Before leaving to work or going to bed does NOT count.) Write it down. How many times in a  week have you told your significant other how beautiful or how handsome s/he is? Write it down. If your total number to all of these questions is less than five, then you need to reevaluate how important your relationship is to you. It is commonly the things left unspoken, that create tension and feelings of unworthiness and negligence. Remember, you do not have to go into a long speech about how much someone means to you, how much you love him or her, or how gorgeous that individual is — it is the small talk in passing that can make or break a relationship.
  2. Things left undone; promises, promises – How frequently have you told someone that you would “get it done” but then failed to do so? Or worse still, how many times have you simply ignored requests for help? The saddest form of negligence is not even being aware of what is needed because you are far too consumed by your own interests. Do any of the above fit your bill? If they do, maybe it is time for you put time aside willingly out of love and fairness to do what it is that needs to be done. Many times, we wait until something small grows into a mound of trouble. Do not wait so long that you turn minuscule ant hills into mountains.
  3. Things taken for granted – This is probably the most common problem-generator in relationships. You are doing your own thing and expect others around you to participate or support you, but when it comes time for you to willingly return the favor, you just aren’t interested? Let’s say you become engaged in month-long project to which your significant other physically contributed hours on end with her knowledge and creativity. She would hope that you would find some value and sincere interest in the other work that she does by supporting her emotionally, and providing feedback. It is a two-way street. If you are doing all the heavy lifting and your mutual other simply expects everything from you but gives nothing in return, it is time for a relationship wellness check. Being taken for granted can rapidly deteriorate an otherwise potentially good relationship.
  4.  Things left to the wayside – Albert Einstein said, “To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination.”  If there is a problem festering in your relationship, what are you doing about it? Are you ignoring it and hoping it will go away on its own? In reality, you must face challenges head on. That means that you must grab the bull by the horns and figure out a way to repair any damage and salvage what you have left. When you fail to do so, you are encouraging an environment that will only worsen over time.
  5. Things you fail to physically do – aside from sex, how often do you touch your significant other? If you were not aware, sex begins way before the bedroom. It begins with a gentle massage, a stroke on the neck, a pat on the leg, a nibble on an ear, a kiss to the forehead, a hug or holding hands. Think of touch as “stepping stones” to bliss. It is a buildup throughout the day that makes a physical encounter so much more exciting and fulfilling. It is essentially the reward at day’s end after a momentous chain of small enticements. Touch, by the way, is paramount for life and living. In fact, simple touch therapy has been recognized as a vital healing technique and employed by hospitals around the globe for newborn preemies. It gives you the connection and bond that keeps you chemically in sync with one another. It also keeps the electrical sparks going; it can also charge sparks where there none.  Perhaps, Marvin Gaye wasn’t off from his song, Sexual Healing, after all.



The Things You Did Not Do – 5 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

By CarolAnn Bailey-Lloyd – Social Media Sorceress on philosophy, social matters, social media, current events and more!

Copyright – ALL Rights Reserved


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